Anger is a very, very powerful emotion and can be very useful when understood and used properly.  Most people see anger as an emotion that they don’t want to feel and whilst that is understandable, in my life it has recently shown itself to be invaluable now that I understand why I get angry.

For the past few years, I’ve been in a constant state of anger; due mainly to the situations I had allowed myself to be in and some of the people I had allowed to influence my life and my choices.  Now, being in a more peaceful state and after many hours (perhaps days) of reflection, I have learned to temper my anger and I now understand it to such a level that I can recognise when I’m angry before it becomes external and choose whether to use it or let it go.

From a personal perspective, I see that anger works on two separate levels, one that is potentially very dangerous to a person’s mental well being and the other that whilst can be potentially volatile, can show us when we are being mistreated or disrespected.

The potentially self destroying form of anger is the type when we feel massive anger that we never fully deal with.  Sure, on the surface we seem to have dealt with it to the point we may have even managed to convince ourselves that we are back to normal; but in reality, it’s still there, slowly growing in intensity yet going unnoticed for the most part.  It starts to show itself in random small outbursts that come for no apparent reason, like when something that normally doesn’t phase you suddenly pisses you right off and you have no idea why.  When these seemingly random outbursts start to grow in frequency is when typically people may start to identify that there may be an issue needing dealt with.

Now, instead of trying to ramble on to make a point I’m going to use a visual aid in the form of a video clip from an episode of Super Girl I recently saw (stop laughing, it’s actually a good show).  In the episode ‘Super Girl / Kara’ (Melissa Benoist) snaps at her boss which is completely out of character and her boss ‘Cat’ (Calista Flockhart) explains to her that the anger ‘Kara’ feels isn’t due to the way ‘Cat’ treats her…….

So, in this type of anger, it’s about getting to the route of the real anger, which can take what feels like a lifetime to figure out sometimes.  Wouldn’t it be great if there was some manual to work out what we are angry at because when we are angry it’s hard to focus on what could be internally wrong with us?  One thing that seems to be a very common reason for deep routed anger is another emotion……… FEAR.

I personally have spoken with many people whose real anger was fuelled by a fear of some sort and this was also true for myself.  For me, I was fearful of losing someone I allowed to get very close to me.  Someone I trusted and completely opened myself to and the fear of losing that connection scared me to my core; to the point that the anger presented itself to try and subconsciously protect me from my fear.  Problem with this is, for the majority of cases, the  negative energies tied in with fear and anger attracts the outcome we don’t want to happen into becoming a reality.

The flip side is, it is only at the point of realising the reality of our fears that we understand what the hell had been happening the whole time.  It’s almost as if the whole time you were feeling angry you were wearing a blindfold and once the anger led you to the thing your didn’t want, the blindfold disappears, leaving you to see the path of destruction that was created due to the anger.

Yoda said it right: “Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”

But we shouldn’t go completely blaming ourselves.  As much as our anger may end up giving us exactly what we don’t want, there was a reason for the anger in the first place and this is the other type of anger that I spoke of earlier, that can be volatile but extremely useful when dealt with properly.

I am VERY aware that most people see anger as a strictly negative emotion and to a point that is true.  It is considered a very negative and undesired emotion, but it has a very strong purpose when we look at it objectively.  Even in the ‘Super Girl’ video, the reason ‘Kara’ flipped out was because ‘Cat’ was blatantly being a bitch and completely disrespecting ‘Kara’.  Now think of the last time you were angry and look at why you got angry.  Were you in some way disrespected or hurt?  I’m going to say that for the majority of you reading this, the answer is a resounding “YES”.  It certainly is that way for me.

These days, I only ever get angry or upset when I’m disrespected.  Now this comes in many forms which include (but not restricted to) being lied to, being lied about, people talking about you behind your back, being cheated on, being ignored, people being false and being treated in a bad way.

When we feel anger because of something like this, it’s a very distinct sign that the people causing us to feel this way are being disrespectful and in order to manage this anger effectively (which takes practise), there are two main things you can do:

  • Confront the people/situation that caused the anger.
  • Let go of the anger and the people/situation causing anger.

If you choose to confront the anger, DO NOT GET PHYSICALLY VIOLENT/ABUSIVE.  This is NEVER acceptable.  Tell the people involved exactly why you are angry then allow them to explain things from their view point.  It is incredibly important that you get everything out in a constructive way that allows you to get your point across yet allowing the parties involved to fully understand what they did and how it made you feel.  Don’t expect an apology or anything in response, you are simply stating your feelings on the situation, listening to any response then dealing with it as best as possible from then on.

Alternatively, if this issue is beneath or under a certain level of care for you and if you can, simply let it go.  If you can’t let it go, then you will need to go to confronting the people/situation in order to alleviate the anger.

It is completely pointless blaming someone for something though, you are simply stating why you are angry.  If it’s through someone else’s words or actions, by all means explain to them that that is why you are angry but just putting them in a firing line won’t resolve anything and will make your recovery from anger take so much longer.

If you do walk away from people that make you angry at any given time, remember, that’s only who they are at that moment in time.  As time passes we all change and there is a potential that in the future, those who have angered us and mistreated us can once again be allowed to be close with us, but only when you can rebuild a level of trust which allows this.

We can never kill off anger or fear, these emotions will appear at various points throughout our lives.  However, if we work together to remain mindful and respectful of each other by being open and honest, the chances for anger to show itself decrease rapidly.

If you enjoyed this blog and have any comments you would like to share please post below.  Go in peace, look after yourself and each other. Much Love.